Temple Of Saints

Badge A Guide to Saintee Terminology / HistoryBadge

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All Saints
Another Saints WWW site run by Steven Burns.
Vinny Arkins
Legendary 50,000 transfer from the Irish League who Alex Totten said would be worth 5 million. Always gave 110% for Saints but lacked that other minor trait called ability. Legendary header of the ball (or not as the case may be), but scored a few in his time here. Now playing back in Ireland.
Supermarket in Dunkeld Rd Perth. Built on the site of the old ground Muirton Park. If you stand at the deli counter then youll be near to the spot where Henry Hall scored a free kick against Hamburg in the UEFA Cup. Sad innit.
Attila Sekerlioglu - 32 year old Austrian/Turkish player signed when we were in the 1st Division and a cult favourite with the fans due to his antics post-games. Trivia buffs note - Sekerlioglu means "Sugar Boy" in English. Saints resident Santa. See here for more details. Left at the end of season 1997-98.

Gordon Bannerman
Chief Sports reporter on the PA and one of the wittiest reads around (even for the non-Saintees).
Sergei Baltacha
Ukrainian by birth and an arrival at Perth at the end of his career from Ipswich Sergei is arguably the greatest and classiest player to have ever played for the Saints. Played left-back and sweeper for 3 years in the Premier under Totten before being blackballed by McLelland and moving to become manager of Caley Thistle. That didn't work out though and he now lives in Glasgow. Son is a Scotland U-21 international. Thoroughly nice bloke.
Biscotti Il
Immortalised nickname of Saints cult hero left-back/winger/utility player Allan Preston also known as Outlet. One of our supposed weaknesses who has turned into the cult hero of the Saints supporters. Forza Il Biscotti !!!!
The affectionate name Andy Rhodes (ex-goalie) is known by - the others include "Mercenary Bastard" due to his materialistic attitude to the game. Currently at Airdrie but likely to move on now - so no England caps for him. Achieved lasting notoriety amongst Saints fans at the legendary Player Of the Year awards when in a rather drunken state he proceeded to flash his Rolex and generally be exceptionally obnoxious to the supporters. Last heard of on loan to Scarborough and in trouble for racist insults to fellow players.
Blue Heaven
Gary Pantons Saints-dedicated WWW site.
Jimmy Bone
Ex-Airdrie, St Mirren etc etc manager and probably the most loathed of Saints rivals in the First Division. Famous for receiving the wreaths from the fictitious "Bridgend Saints Supporters Club" on the mornings of games v the Saints. Equally as famous for his waistline. Currently the assistant assistant coach Dick "Interpreter please" Campbell at Dunfermline.

Danny Chalmers
Assistant reporter on the PA and learning from the great Gordon Bannerman all the time. However still prone to the odd mistake as shown in the Media Falsehoods for media falsehoods
Challenge Cup
Technically known as the Diddy cup, it's the only trophy we've ever one. Contested by the Div1-3 sides, Saints lifted it on 25/11/2007 with a 3-2 win over the Pars at Dens Park.
Chic Charnley
Dirtiest player in Scotland - loved by the media as being a 'character' - makes Vinny Jones look innocent. Always seems to come off second-best when playing Saints - oh how we laughed. Has vanished into obscurity now where he only features in the Daily Record when he gets another red card.
Chic the Prick
Balding obnoxious reporter on the BBC and the radio - has an exceedingly high opinion of himself which AFAIK is not shared by any Scottish fans. Has a section dedicated to himself in the media falsehoods page.
Paul Cherry
Most famous insurance salesman to play for Saints from 1987-1996. Freed over the summer and now playing for Caledonian Thistle. All round nice guy and favourite with the fans.
Stuart Cosgrove
Media pundit on Radio Scotland (as in Off the Ball) and well-known Saints supporter. Also author of "Hampden Babylon". Also the legendary star of the hotel disco on the Vaasa Euro Tour 1999.
Courier & Advertiser
Dundee daily paper - some reports on Saints but usually as an afterthought between the Jute prices and the Dundee supporters notes. If you want to see the WWW site it's at http://www.thecourier.co.uk/febcourierrede/index.htm

John Davies
Ex-Saints midfielder who went to Airdrie, Ayr and now at Motherwell - legendary hacker of anyone in his way and now enjoys a certain rapport with the Saintees (ie mutual hatred). "Victim" in the Attila gobbing incident in January 97 - although sources say he gave as good as he got.
Worst city on this planet. Famous for prisoners at Forfar jail preferring to stay in prison than visit it for a day-trip. Populated by the Subsidy junkies, tinks, soap-dodgers, coagies etc all financed by the charitable folk in Perth. See also here
Dundee FC
Scumdee, The Great Unwashed, the tinks from doon the Tay. Immortalised in the great Saints song "We hate Dundee and We hate Dundee".....

Evening Telegraph
Dundee evening paper with as much loyal coverage of the Saints as its sister paper the Courier.
Something which until 23rd May 1999 Saints had only managed one appearance in. Then it all changed as 3rd place in the SPL got us into the UEFA Cup.

The Forces Of........
Two types of all-round natsy people. The Forces of Darkness represent the neanderthal hordes from the Govan part of Glasgow (also known as Rangers), whilst The Forces of Evil are their Celtic counterparts from the East End of Wegieland. Both have probably done more in the last years to provide hours of off-the-field entertainment to the rest of Scottish Football with their ancient tribal bigotry (although to be fair they do seem to be unaware of the hilarity they cause).

Great Striker Search
Legendary odyssey as Saints looked for a new striker - Started in 1997 and the details of the thousands of trialists are listed here. Later continuations can be found for 1998-99 and 1999-2000
Bobby Gunn
Legendary linesman - not just one in a 1000 but one in 10,000 as he was the only arse in McDiarmid on 24/10/99 to think that the ball had crossed the line to give Celtic an undeserved injury-time winner over Saints. Not the most popular man in Perth.

Rolf Harris
Australian entertainer. Original singer of the St Johnstone fans most surreal song - "Two Little Boys". Sung in the early 70s by the faithful though no-one knows why.
Hilltoon Whore
Latest nickname for ex-manager and all-round Judas Paul Sturrock

All to be found here

Letter "J"
Traditionan football trivia question - St Johnstone are the only professional club in UK with the letter 'J' in their name. Its nice to be famous for something.
Plenty of them out there - Have these ones courtesy of the Saintees mailing list for starters :
Q: What's the difference between a Dundee girl and a walrus?
A: One's big, fat, grey and smells of fish, the other ones a walrus.
Q: What's the difference between a Dundee girl and a washing machine?
A: You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for a week!!!
Q: What's the difference between a Dundee girl and a Dundee boy ?
A: A Dundee girl has a higher sperm count!!!
Q: What label does a Dundee girl have on her knickers?
A: NEXT !!!
Q: What does a dundee girl put behind her ears to make her look attractive ?
A: Her feet!!!!
Q: What does a Dundee girl put at her ankles to keep them warm?
A: Her knickers!!!
Q: How do you know if a dundee girl has reached an orgasm?
A: She drops her peh!!!!
And finally a non-Dundee joke - What do you call a sheep tied to a lampost in the centre of Aberdeen?
A: A leisure centre!!!!

Hugh Keevins
Ex-Scotsman journalist currently plying his senile-driven trade at the Sunday Mail with the best eyesight in football. How else can he manage to tell us what colour knickers the Rangers new signing is wearing from an office in Glasgow. His cup-tie report of Saints match v Rangers in Jan 97 caused the now legendary Saints mailing list e-mail campaign to the Scotsman - not that it did any good of course. Has a section dedicated to himself in the media falsehoods page.

Ex-manager (ex-Scumdee Utd player but now their manager) Paul Sturrock) was so nicknamed due to his prominent aural receptors. Since his departure has been re-christened by a justifiably bitter Saints support. See here.

Charlie Mann
Ex-Radio Scotland reporter who covered most Saints home / Tayside ties but now works down south. Closest thing we had on the radio to a Saints voice outside of Stuart Cosgrove. Reached cult status amongst the fans when he said that Saints wouldnt be embarassed against Rangers which wound up Chic the Pric/
Gerry McNee
Probably the most hated man amongst Scottish fans (including J Hill). STV Sports editor and ex-Hunday Mail columnist (now News Of The World) who despite slagging off the old firm can't stop showing them on TV. Is totally unaware of the existence of any team outside Glasgow / Premier League. Has a section dedicated to himself in the media falsehoods page.
Ally McCoist
Saints reject now playing for Kilmarnock having had a spell at TFOD. Suffers from memory loss - as in always wanting to play for Rangers now, but wanting to play for Celtic when he was Saints 17 year old striker. Saints sold him for £400,000 to Sunderland. Painted the stand with the proceeds.
Aggie Moffat
Terror of all things Souness-related and the only tea-lady (AFAIK) to feature in a team photograph. Purveyor of the legendary pasta 'n' soup to help bring on the young Saints players and probably the cult figure off the park after the legendary rammy with the then Rangers manager Graeme Souness. For more info check out the Aggie Moffat Tribute Page
The millionaire's paradise in the South of France that 1000 Saints fans invaded for the UEFA Cup 1st round match against the locals. They beat us on the pitch but we drank the place dry.
Muirton Park
The old ground now sadly demolished for an Asda supermarket. Still we did get a new 10,000 seater stadium out of the deal. Muirton was the scene of many a great victory (and even more gubbings).

Also known as the Great Striker Search of 1997-98 whereby El Luggino bravely built up his Air Miles in an attempt to find a goalscorer. Despite the brilliance of the players from Argentina, Sweden, Zimbabwe, Iceland, Portugal etc. we still ended up signing Paddy Connolly from Airdrie.

O'Malleys Bar
The pub to be seen in when the Saints invaded Vaasa in August 1999. An Irish theme pub in Finland, which by the time we left 24 hours later had been drunk dry and decorated in tops, scarves and all sorts of Saints memorabilia.
Willie Ormond
God. Manager in early 70s - led Saints to a League Cup Final appearance and into Europe. Only left to become manager of Scotland. Still the most successful manager the club has had.

The Perthshire Advertiser is the local twice-weekly paper and is probably the best source of Saintees news. Gordon Bannerman is the regular sports reporter - probably one of the most entertaining as well.
Gavin Price
Near-mythical local lad signed from Dutch club Den Haag in the summer of 97. Got injured pre-season and played about 2 reserve games when Luggy sold him to Stirling in October for a 'nominal' fee. Some parts of the support still don't believe he existed. Made a return to Perth as part of the Stirling side in the Scottish Cup. At least it made things clearer to the support why we transferred him.

Jose Quitongo
Diving Angolan git who'd be a good footballer if it wasnt for his acting attempts. Got Attila sent off when playing for Hamilton and then went to Hearts where he was found out and dumped. Still hated as shown when he celebrated a goal in front of the Saints support at Tynecastle then had it chalked off. Almost made up for losing. Popular with Chic Young and the Sportscene crowd.

English striker on his second spell at Saints. Known simply as Legend. Suffers from a lack of pace despite being one of the best ball-winners in the game. Having said that it means he's not getting any slower as the years go by. Received a well-deserved Testimonial Match against Coventry City.

First ever Ukranian to play in Scottish football. Sergei Baltacha was signed from Ipswich - probably one of the best defenders to wear a Saints jersey. Still lives in Perth and runs a sporting school.
Media tycoons who like to frequent McDairmid but seem to pick games designed to show off Saints at their worst. Whatever we await the day we win a TV match at home.
Bunch of part-time geriatrics that scored 4 flukey goals against us (and missed several more) in a cup-tie in 1995. And it still hurts. Also sold us Euan Donaldson for 90 grand based on his performance against us - he was sold to Clyde for a "nominal" fee in July 97.
Bunch of part-time geriatrics that Danny Griffin scored and own goal for to cost us the Challenge Cup Final in Nov 96 - and it hurts as well.
Several of these have been sung over the years. Traditional ditties include "We hate Dundee and We hate Dundee"....., "Two Little Boys", "Roddeee, Roddeeee" andt "Georgie, Georgie, Fuckin God" . The latest obscure ditty comes from "The Wizard Of Oz" and made its debut at the Hearts match in November 97. If anyone can explain the reasoning behind it I'd love to know.
Also an honourable mention goes to Gordon Bannermans Barmy Army who made the stadium announcer change the tune to welcome the players onto the pitch - The new version is here

Ted the Rottweiler
Famous pet of Lars-Gunnar Karlstrand who did his best to sabotage the Swedes move to Perth by not dying so he'd avoid quarantine. Warranted a whole back page of the Sun newspaper (it was a slow news day).
True Faith
Saints fanzine which has now sadly folded - still it was fun while it lasted.
Annual survey of Saints fans to see who they love / hate these days. Check here for the 1998 and 1999 results.
Alex Totten
Ex-manager who took us to 2 Scottish Cup semis and from Scottish Division 2 to the Premier League. Sacked by Saints in a badly handled PR fiasco which damned us in the media, although most Saints fans still thought he should go. Currently manager of Falkirk (which no doubt is still his proudest moment since walking up the Ibrox staircase) and sickeningly fawned to by the media especially after knocking Saints out of the 1998 Scottish Cup - as noted by the "I signed Callum Davidson but Paul Sturrock made a good job of bringing him on" speech on the BBC the night before the game. A pathetic bitter man these days.

A quiet town on the West Coast of Finland that saw the scene of the biggest party it had ever seen when Saints invaded for the UEFA qualifying round match in August 1999. A wonderful place with plenty of memories for all of us that were there. Loacation of O'Malleys Bar
Virgin Whores
Name of Nick Dasovic's rock band - strangely enough he wonders why they didn't get any wedding bookings !!!!

Wales (Principality of)
The country which for some strange reason decided to call ex-Saints winger and full-time Yorkshireman Leigh Jenkinson up to their international squad whilst "Leek" was still at Perth. Strange people.
Wendy Who?
As in "Wendy Saints come marching in". Excellent fanzine full of totally well-balanced and unbiased reporting of the boys along with the traditional slaggings of the Old Firm (the fazines are the only place this happens in the Scottish media nowadays). Sadly printed its last regular issue with the championship win in 1997. Still hopes for the occasional delight tho.
Wizard of Oz
1930s musical featuring the latest Saints song - excerpts are here.

X-Rated Performances
Basically any cup-tie against lower opposition - Str**raer, St**housemuir, L*v*nGst*n, F**k**k. Also any match against the Old Firm where Saints began to fancy their chances.

Hotel in Crieff Rd. Pert, just along from the ground and scene of many a drunken post-match party.

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