Temple Of Saints


On this page you can check the latest reporting errors made in your favourite paper / radio / TV program about the glorious Boys in Blue. Check the Sub-totals below for the example of the least "professional" reporters in Scotland.

New Falsehoods and lies can be submitted here or by e-mail to webmaster@grange.demon.co.uk
Previous Awards are available for 1997-98, 1996-97, 1998-99 and 1999-2000

TOMMY TOTALISER - Number of mentions since 28/07/2000 - 6

Yup this is where we keep track of the number of times star winger Tommy Løvenkrands has his name mentioned in the same sentence as the words "brother of Rangers star Peter" (or something like that).

Current League Standings.

Daily Record 25
The Scotsman/ Scotland On Sunday / The Pink / Evening News 16
Sunday Mail 15
Sun 10
BBC Scotland + TeletextTelevision 7
Teamtalk / Yahoo 7
News of the World 6
BBC Radio Scotland Radio 5
Dundee Courier/ Sporting Post / Evening Telegraph 5
Perthshire Advertiser 4
Glasgow Herald / Evening Times / Herald on Sunday 4
Daily And Sunday Express 3
Daily / Electronic Telegraph 3
STV  + Teletext 2
Sky + Skytext 2
The Times / Sunday Times 2
Daily Mail / Soccernet 2
Other 1
Scotland On-Line 1
Sporting Life 1
Press Association 1
Chic the Prick 1
Hugh Keevins 1
Radio Tay No Score Yet
Press & Journal No Score Yet
Scot FM No Score Yet
Daily Mirror No Score Yet
Daily Star No Score Yet
Football Unlimited No Score Yet
Match Magazine No Score Yet
Sunday Post No Score Yet
Gerry "OF Moaner" McNee No Score Yet
Barbour Bill Leckie No Score Yet

Daily Record (or Waily Retard as we know it)

A bastion of professional journalism as shown below. Managed 2nd place in 1996-97 but walked away with the title last year before reverting to 2nd in 1998-99 and winning it again in 1999-2000. Their WWW site is here

March 28th-Aberdeen report says Saints second came after good buildup work by Kiegan on the left - it was the right.
March 24th-Non-report on the Bradford game says that Jess played last night. He didn't.
March 23rd- Fawning report on Petrov says he was injured in a collision with Weir last Sunday. Methinks the Retard has its days mixed up.
March 20th-Report on club fines says Sylla is banned for 4 games and Bollan 2 - it's the other way round.
February 14th-MoMo is now from the Ivory Coast according to the Pars report - same reporter same shite.
February 12th-MoMo is now from the Ivory Coast according to the Killie report.
February 5th - Arabs report said that Kane set up Nathan for his first touch goal. It was Pope and it was Nathan's 2nd touch !! 2 pts.
December 11th- Report on the St Mirren game says that Le Mo's booking means he's suspended this weekend - wrong he was suspended already.
December 8th- The StJohnstone stars have been added to Sandy Clarks squad for THE TRIP to St.Mirren - the game is in Perth.
November 27h - Report from the Killie game said it was the first time we'd been in the top 6 all season. Wrong. Thanks to mailto:jim.dempsey@libertysurf.co.uk for that.
November 13th - Report on the Sellik game confuses Kernaghan with Dods at one of the goals.
November 6th - Report on the Pars match slags Kernaghan for wearing gloves - ignorant of his diabetic condition.
November 4th-Preview of the Pars match says Frail and McCluskey are still injured - explains why they've played the last 2 U-21 games then. Arses.
October 23rd-Yet another report describing MoMo as French.
October 7th- Website article on Kevin Thomas' injury said he'd signed for us 5 years ago.
September 18th- Dundee report said we'd drawn our 3 home league games prior to the weekend. Pity we'd only played 2.
August 26th- An absolute classic with the online preview of the Killie game headlined...FOOTBALL: PETER: STAND BY FOR MORE MAGIC followed by an interview with someone called Peter Lovenkrands sounding suspiciously like our Tommy. 2 points cause it's that bad.
August 17th- Says that Paul Kane was skipper at East End Park for Saints - nope it was Jim Weir.
July 29th- Preview of the new season shows Saints as still having a yellow away strip and blue shorts on the home one. 2 points..
July 10th- Says that there wouldn't be a fee involved if Danny went to England - wrong the player is still under 24.
July 1st- Says that the possible signing of Paul Hartley will be the first of the season - nope it'll be the second.

Falsehood League Standings


My daily read so expect a few entries here. Especially as they tend to give some coverage to the non-OF teams. Excludes any drivel written by Bill Leckie who has his own category.

March 14th- Iain "Total Wanker" Kings report on the TFOE game credits Weir with a shot in the 2nd half when it was actually Father Dougal.
February 14th- Pars report tells us all about "Irishman" Nathan Lowndes.
December 27th- Ibrox report mentions Saints winger Peter Lovenkrands.
October 18th- Celtic report has a picture of Malcolm defending against the 1st goal but captioned Weir. Also Says Weir bodychecked for penalty - it was Kernaghan
August 25th- Says that we play Hibs tomorrow. Nope it's Kilmarnock.
July 29th-Preview of the new season throws up some crackers. Lists Gerry as the player likely to leave first - he left last month. Nathan is described as being a Cockney striker and finally they list of what the club did in the summer says no work was done at the ground. So undersoil heating doesn't count then? - 3 points.
June 29th- Article on Craig Russel's return with a pic of Graeme Jones.
Falsehood League Standings

Bill Leckie

Sun columnist and reporter with a dodgy quiff and a wonderful fetish about Barbour jackets. Thinks of himself as the champion of the underdog but in reality is just another annoying wee shite.

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Sunday Post

Not a regular read but always good for some errors.

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News Of The World

Another honest and fair paper. Excludes the page of McNee rants - he has his own section (see here).

May 6th-Report on the St Midden game gives us 2 mentions of Peter Lovenkrands.
December 31st- Hearts report has axed Dane "Peter" Lovenkrands. Amazing how inept these people are.
September 10th- Paul Kane makes team of the day. Pity they list him as playing for Aberdeen.
August 13th- Apparently it was Peter Lovenkrands playing for Saints against Pars.
July 29th- Picture of Jim Weir captioned McBride.

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Scumdee Courier / Sporting Post / Evening Telegraph

Reasonable good coverage given that its a Scumdee Daily. Their WWW site is here with the Tele at www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk

April 30th - Report on the Aberdeen game said that Dods hadn't played since February. It must have been his clone that came off the bench at Fir Park previous week then
Mach 21st- Talks of Peter Lovenkrands and John Paul McBridge!!!!. - 2 points.
February 1st- Report on the postponed match says that it was previously called off for torrential rain. Total Bollocks.
October 20th- Refers to MoMo as Guyanan.

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Sunday Mail

Old Firm are Scottish Football so the rest don't matter - as you might guess. Columnist Hugh Keevins has his own section here. Their WWW site is here

February 4th - Arabs report said that Kane set up Nathan for his first touch goal. It was Pope and it was Nathan's 2nd touch !! 2 pts.
December 10th- Usual dose of illiterate copytaking in the St Mirren report - let's hear it for Keigan (Kiegan) and McCluskie (as in Stuart no doubt). Just as well we don't include the opposition as well - the spelling for them is just as bad.
November 19th- Couple of crackers in the report on the Arabs match. Confuses Russell with Kiegan in the first half and said Bollan brought down Hannah for the penalty claim - it was McQ and it was well outside the box.
October 28th- Apparently the first shot at Tynecastle was by Paddy with the rebound falling to Kane - nope the rebound came to Kiegan.
October 1st (Pt 2)- Jones was replaced by Peter Lovenkrands !?!?!?!! Thanks tochris@croebuck9.fsnet.co.uk
October 1st-Two in the Hibs report - it was Kernaghan not Dods fouled by Zitelli for the disallowed goal and Kane's booking was for a foul on Jack not O'Neil
August 27th- Picture of Michael O'Neill captioned Tommy Lovenkrands. God they've got it in for Tommy haven't they?
August 20th- Apparently we had someone called Lovenkrandz playing for us yesterday.
August 13th- Pars match report has Pope booked after a foul on him - nope it was an attack on Kiegan.
July 23rd- "Russell Craig" played for Saints against Carlisle - back to front as usual.
July 16th- Tells us that "Kenneth Cuthbert" played in goal for Saints v Norwich. Apologies to Kevin due methinks.

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Radio Tay

The Dundee radio station, famed for Dick Donnelly and George Duffus - don't take it seriously

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The P.A..

Again, don't expect too much here - Gordon Bannerman and Danny Chalmers usually know what they're talking about. Their WWW site is here

September 1st- Someone called "John" Kernaghan is getting fitter. Perhaps they mean Alan?
July 25th- Another photo and another caption of "Peter" Lovenkrands.
July 18th- It's getting bad when the local paper describes our signing as "Peter" Lovenkrands.
July 4th- Paul "Hertley" signed for Saints according to the e-edition.

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Daily / Sunday Express

Don't expect too much coverage unless we're playing the Old Firm. Includes the on-line version.

October 18th- Says Weir bodychecked for penalty - it was Kernaghan
August 26th- Mentions Saints winger Peter Lovenkrands.
August 19th- Arabs match report twice mentions Main as the Arabs keeper !!!

.Falsehood League Standings

Press & Journal

Aberdeen-based daily with some good coverage of the East Coast teams.

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Daily Mail / Soccernet

With Saints in the Premier some coverage is guaranteed to be minimal as last season - see here for details.

February 5th - Says on the headline of the match report (3/2/01) that it finished 2-1 to United, not 1-1.
July 14th- Say that the season kicks off on August 29th - Christ and we're playing the Huns as well so the error is twice as bad.

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BBC Radio Scotland

Mainly Radio Scotland. Excluding Chic the Pric (see here) but including On/Off The Ball and the related websites.

December 23rd- Well match line-ups apparently includes Martin O'Neill in the Saints subs - and they say they're not obsessed with the OF?
November 28th- Aberdeen match has Mark Guidi (major arse) talking about how Saints beat TFOD 1-0 - nope it was 2-1. Also there was the announcer saying how it was "St. Mirren against Aberdeen at McDiarmid". 2 points.
August 19th- Arabs match report has Jones shot against Main !?!?.
July 29th- Off the Ball website has the Pars has signing "Tommy, brother of Peter" Lovenkrands.

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Scotland On-Line

"Official" WWW site of the Scottish Footbal League. Good for commentaries but some interesting things to say about Saints. Located here.

August 13th- Had the Pars keeper playing for Saints. Thanks to Gary Panton for that.
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Scot FM

This could be a difficult one - do they actually have any listeners ?

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Onl-line site for the Sun and News of the World. Find them at http://www.supergoals.com

August 4th- Describes Saints manager Sandy Clark as a "former defender".

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Glasgow Herald / Evening Times / Sunday Herald

Wegie-centric so dont expect too much. Find them at http://www.herald.co.uk

November 20th- Arabs report has a couple of good ones. Says Hartley took the corner for the goal - it was Kane and that Parkers shot in the first half just went past Mains post (that'll be Alan Main who was standing at the other end of the park then)?
July 29th- Two classics with the Rangers report giving the score as 2-0 not 2-1 and saying that Sylla was signed from Le Mans - nope it was Le Havre.

Falsehood League Standings

Scotsport + Teletext

Including Extra Whine - again unlikely to feature much as Perth isn't in Glasgow and they're too stingy to pay Sky for the rights to show the matches. After missing out on the start of the season the STV show is back with Jim "hes a right" Delahunt and Alan "Bankrupt" McInally 1998-99 champions. This also includes the digital S2 channel.
August 30th- Carling Stats have us as having only scored 1 home goal so far - nope it's 3.
August 6th- Peter Martin called Kiegan "Lovenkrands" in the Hearts commentary.

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Sportscene + Ceefax + BBC Online

Including the Friday Old Firm preview. With rights to the goals from the SPL this season expect more mistakes than before. Also includes the BBC On-line service at news.bbc.co.uk
April 7th- Well report on Ceefax said Nathan missed the penalty - nope it was Sylla.
January 27th- Pars report on the BBC website said the penalty was in the 7th minute - nope it was the 47th minute.
November 29th- Post-match report on the Aberdeen game on Ceefax say "St Mirren manager Sandy Clark praised goalkeeper Stuart McCluskey" - 2 points.
Sept 30th- Team list for the Hibs highlights says our manager is Sandy Clarke?
September 8th- Ceefax says Dasovic's injury was picked up in the 1-0 defeat v Killie. Strange that since he wasn't playing.
July 29th- Gordon Smith sez we lost a lot of strikers over the close season. Nope it was midfielders we lost.

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Football Unlimited

The Guardian version of Soccernet as found at http://www.footballunlimited.co.uk

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Gerry McNee

STV Sports Editor, ex-Sunday Mail Columnist and the nearest we've got to a Scottish Jimmy Hill. Now writing for the News Of The World although with his obsession with Man Utd there is little Scottish content any more!!!!

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Sky TV + SkyText

Satellite TV and Teletext for the masses - known to come to McDiarmid when a defeat is in the air. With the new Scottish Premiership on display and ex-Scotsport presenter Jim "the Hun" White at the helm expect a better showing from this mob this season. Also includes On Digital

December 24th- Credits Kieran Harper with a goal against Well. Who he?? Thanks to neil@intra-europa.com
July 30th- August 6th apparently Saints play Perth !!!! Thanks tochris@croebuck9.fsnet.co.uk
Falsehood League Standings

Chic Young

Ibrox's most famous St. Mirren fan and living proof that you need fuck-all knowledge to be a journo.

October 23rd- BBC Phone-in said that Dods conceded the penalty against Celtic the previous Tuesday - it was Kernaghan.

Falsehood League Standings

Scotsman / Scotland On Sunday / The Pink / Evening News

Edinburgh daily that will be lucky to mention Saints outside of the Old Firm meetings this season. The Pink is the Embra equivalent of the Sporting Post except it licks the bottoms of the Hibs and Hearts and includes a lot more Rugger Bugger stories. Their WWW site is here

March 4th- Scotland on Sunday lists our next fixture as the St Midden game - nope it's Sellik.
February 1st- Scotsman has a pic of Owen Archdeacon - well that's the caption but the photo is of Paddy. Thanks to mailto:monkey.magic@btinternet.com for that one.
January 1st- Scotsman credits Pope with Saints 2nd v Hearts - it was Paddy.
December 17th- Scotland on Sunday report on the Hibs game mentions Saints signing Peter Lovenkrands(!) and credits Kiegan shot in the 2nd half to Paddy.
December 3rd- Scotland on Sunday Dundee report mentions Frenchman Sylla. Nope he's Guinean. Thanks to mike.wilson@tinyonline.co.uk
October 28th- Pink credits Evers with setting up Paddy for the 2nd goal at Tynecastle - nope it was Kiegan.
October 23rd- Rangers report says the game at the start of the season saw Dods score for us - nope it was Kernaghan.
September 18th- Dundee report mentions Guyanese player Sylla. Nope he's Guinean.
September 6th- Killie report said that towards the end of the game Jones was fouled on the edge of the box. Nope it was Parker.
August 28th- "Even for St Johnstone, where attendances are notoriously modest, this was an all-time low." - nope it's only a low for the SPL. Thanks to j.a.morrison-3@sms.ed.ac.uk
August 23rd- Report on the Cowden game lists the scorers correctly but then goes on to credit Jones with the 2nd goal !!. Thanks to robert.m edwards@strath.ac.uk
August 13th- Scotland on Sunday's Pars report has Skerla and Dolan (?) playing for us !!!! Thanks to Gary Panton for these ones.
August 11th- Evening News is convinced tomorrow's game is at Perth.
August 7th- Absolutely crap report (by Mike Wade) on the Hearts game mentions "Frenchman" Mohammed Sylla. Gizzabrek. Thanks to Chris.Waite@scottishamicable.co.uk

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Hugh Keevins

Saintees everywhere's favourite ex-Scotsman journalist. Amazing tunnel vision since based in Embra he seems incapable of dealing with anything other than the Wegie Unwashed. New for this year since hes bound to cover some Saints games. Now writing for the Sunday Mason as the replacement for McNee (some honour eh). This man is the MOST LOATHED journalist amongst Saints fans.

December 17th- Article on Kiegan says he made his debut in the 1999-2000 season at Easter Rd. Nope it was the season before at Rugby Park.

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Daily Telegraph - Electronic or otherwise

October 23rd-.A one pararagraph report on the Saints win over TFOD has 3 errors stating that Rangers scored a penalty (Keegan Park) and that Saints scored 2 (Charlie Miller and Momo Siller). Classic. Thanks to mailto:neil@intra-europa.com

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Times / Sunday Times

Find them at http://www.thetimes.co.uk. Sunday Times coverage is probably best for falsehoods.

January 28th-Pars cup report inthe Sunday times says MoMo plays for the Ivory Coast.
August 13th-Despite saying that the Pars match was "shorn of incident", the report missed out on Kiegans booking.

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Match magazine

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Daily Star

Not a regular read and probably qualifies for a discount given that its Manchester based but what the hell. Their WWW site is here

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Sporting Life

As found at http://www.sporting-life.com/soccer/scotspremteams/stjohnstone.html - normally a fairly accurate site.

August 19th- Preview of the Arabs game talks about "Neil Hartley" playing for Saints !!.

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Free paper distributed in Edinburgh and Glasgow. First year under it's own heading but given it's tendency to rehash Press Association stories, expect a few scores.

April 2nd- Report on the Hibs game refers to "Ghanian" MoMo Sylla.
June 9th- Picture of Danny Griffin and the Story was about Keith O'Halloran. Thanks to chris@croebuck9.fsnet.co.uk

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Daily Mirror

Not a regular read. Don't expect too much coverage of Saints either.

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Teamtalk / Yahoo

Alleged up-to-date phone service for Saints fans. It isn't - Also available at http://uk.sports.yahoo.com/foot/engl/t/stjo/index.html.

May 3rd- Shite 2-years out of date report says we're trying to snatch Lehmann from Hibs. Classic crap.
April 22nd- Crowd for the Well match given as 3105 - it was 3195.
December 8th- Two crackers in the St Mirren match preview - first they mention John O'Neill (they mean Michael). Then we're told a win will put us into 6th place - we're already there.
July 31st- Rangers report credits the goal to Jones (it was Kernaghan) and says our keeper was someone called Maine !!!! 2 points.
July 29th- Saints haven't one on opening day for 25 years - nope it's only 21 years !!!

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Press Association

Feeds most of the newspapers their falsehoods so a good chance of a decent total.

August 25th.-"St.Johnstone star Peter Lovenkrands"......oh dear.

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Other Media Stuff

August 6th.-"Official" SPL website says Tommy is Austrian !!

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