Temple Of Saints


On this page you can check the latest reporting errors made in your favourite paper / radio / TV program about the glorious Boys in Blue. Check the Sub-totals below for the example of the least "professional" reporters in Scotland.

New Falsehoods and lies can be submitted here or by e-mail to webmaster@grange.demon.co.uk
Last years awards are available here.

Current League Standings.

Daily Record 21
Sky TV / SkyText 10
News Of The World 10
Sun 9
Scotsport + Teletext 8
Dundee Courier / Sporting Post 7
Sunday Mail 7
Daily Mail / Soccernet 6
Scotland On-Line 6
Scotsman / Scotland On Sunday / The Pink 6
Radio Scotland 5
Sportscene + Ceefax 5
Daily Star 3
Perthshire Advertiser 2
Gerry The Face Of A Football 2
Daily Mirror 1
Match magazine 1
Times / Sunday Times 1
Hugh Keevins 1
Sporting Life 1
Glasgow Herald / Evening Times 1
Chic the Prick No Score Yet
Daily Telegraph + Electronic Version No Score Yet
Scot FM No Score Yet
Other No Score Yet

Daily Record (or Waily Retard as we know it)

A bastion of professional journalism as shown below. Their WWW site is here

May 27h- According to todays paper Stuart McCluskey is out of contract - nope hes not.
May 9th- As last week "Jim Griffin" makes the Saints squad.
May 5th- From the Motherwell match report :: "McCluskey scored Saints second with his first Premier goal since scoring in the second-last game a year ago" .....does anyone else want to point out that we weren't in the Premier a year ago? Also "Saints need to hold on to experienced players like Kernaghan and Sekerlioglou if they want to have a hope of pipping Killie to 4th" ....... excuse me but where the f**k are Kernaghan and Attila going between now and next Saturday?
May 2nd- Apparently "Jim Griffin" wont be playing for Saints today - phew !!
March 25th- Report on the Scotland 'B' game lists the striker as "Wright (St Johnstone)". And him a West Coast player too !!!!
March 15th- First with the exclusives as usual the incredibly well-informed Record tells us that "Aussie" Nick Dasovic will be missing today. Funny I can't remember him renouncing his Canadian citizenship? Must be confused with all the Aussies at Ibrox.
March 9th- Congratulations to Charlie Nicholas for being totally unbiased with the statement that "after being shafted by Saints Totten has always kept his dignity" - as you can tell by every single media piece about him in the last 6 years !!!
February 16th- More evidence of "senior" reporter Alex Camerons ongoing senility with the news that the ref on Saturday was Tom Brown - even their scoreboard section knew it was Kenny "dodgy decisions" Clark !!
January 13th- Report on the Hearts match said that Pa Broon was there to watch Neil McCann - actually he was paid by Sky to be the summariser. Pathetic innit.
December 15th- Report on the Saints v Killie game had 2 bookings for Kilmarnock listed. Now maybe they were deserved but unfortunately the real figure was 0 (and thats a mistake regarding a West Coast team)!!
November 24th- Photo of Scotts goal v Hibs showed Georgio and Chief congratulating one another but was captioned "Saints stars heap congratulations on Philip Scott" - Phizzy was nowhere in sight at the time.
September 29th- Report on the Hibs game had Main saving the penalty rather than it just rebounding off the post. Also the Goal Of the Week was awarded to Gary Farquhar - pity the pic was Chief O'Halloran.
August 18th - Apparently Roddy only scored his 25th league goal last Saturday. Also in a feat of incredulous OF arrogance, "Saints have never beaten Celtic since the Premier League was started" - try telling that to Mr Billy McNeill and Mr L Brady both of whose Tim managerial careers were ended after defeats by the Perth Glory Boys !!!!
August 12th - Quotes the Saints cup-tie as being on the 20th and fails to mention that its actually the 19th and it's live on Murdoch-owned Sky.
August 4th - Report of the United match informed us that Roddy Grant was "finally getting a crack at the big time" - Sorry guys hes been there already.
July 29th - Report on the Caledonian Thistle game lists Alan Main as injured - he was actually being rested by Sturrock.
July 22nd - In the list of fixtures tonight Bray Wanderers are down to play Dundee Utd instead of St Johnstone.
July 19th - As part of the match report from the Shamrock Rovers game, mention is made of Saints next game "against UCD tonight". Bummer cos its actually Sun afternoon - still why bother with the facts.

Falsehood League Standings


My daily read so expect a few entries here. Especially as they tend to give some coverage to the non-OF teams.

March 9th -Report on the Brockville disaster missed Weirs booking but gave one to Georgio.
January 30th - Report that TFOD are involved in hush-hush talks with Saints over "ex-Stenhousemuir" defender Callum Davison. Hmmm and we all thought that Donaldson was the man.
January 13th - Two masterpieces from Rodger Baillie in his report on the Sky Hearts match. Firstly a score of 2-0 given for the last game at McD - nope it was 2-1. Secondly ref Mike McCurry was credited as being the same ref who sent off John O'Neil in the Coca-Cola Cup-tie against Celtic in August. With all the fuss surrounding the decision you would think he'd realise it was Shuggy Dallas in charge that night. Arse.
January 6th - Cracking piece on the Pars in todays Sun saying how Bert Paton was planning to sign trialist Paul MacDonald after being impressed with his performance in last nights reserve match v Saints in Perth. Pity the game was postponed innit?
November 1st - Team news had Alan Kernaghan as having been on international duty with Eire - nope it was Tommy Coyne !!
September 29th- Report on the Hibs game had Farquhar scoring from a Jenko pass - no mention of the work O'Neill did to keep possession in between.
August 4th - Ref for the United game was listed as Jim McCluskey - actually it was John Fleming. Aaah well.
July 29th - Report on the Caledonian Thistle game lists Alan Main as injured - he was actually being rested by Sturrock.

Falsehood League Standings

News Of The World

Another honest and fair paper. Excludes the page of McNee rants - he has his own section (see here).

May 10th - Georgio missed his easy header from O'Neils cross. Wrong it was McQuillan (as stated elsewhere on the report).
May 3rd - Team of the day has a picture of Jenko labelled "Lee Jenkinson".
March 22nd - Report from Ibrox has "Save of the Match" detailing Kernaghans goal (not much of a save there then).
February 1st - According to the report on the Rangers game, John O'Neill is now an Ulsterman.
January 11th - News of the World has 2 articles on Rangers - one saying that they wont sign any more players until Wallter Smiths successor agrees and the other that Archie Knox was at Perth on Friday night finalising the signature of Callum Davison.
January 4th - Repeat of August 31st with the Team of the day in the News of the World listing Philip Scott - with a picture of Jenko !!
November 23rd - Repeat of August 31st with the Team of the day in the News of the World listing Philip Scott - with a picture of Jenko !!
October 19th - Team of the Day has Richard Gough listed as playing for Saints - even we're not that desperate.
August 31st - Team of the day lists Philip Scott - with a picture of Jenko !!
August 10th -Saints sub listed as Fabrice Monachino - pity really its Monakino. Thats what they get for relying on the announcers pronounciation rather than researchin gthe facts for themselves.

Falsehood League Standings

Scumdee Courier / Sporting Post

Probably not a lot here - Saints only get a mention when playing someone from Scumdee. Their WWW site is here

May 2nd - Gerry McMann ?????
April 25th - Sporting Post referred to Kernaghan as ENGLISH !!! Ignorant Dundee shites.
April 6th - Said that we're playing Utd this Saturday - its the Pars actually.
February 1st - Credited Phizzy with the opener against Rangers - it was Del O'Neill (could be a conspiracy starting).
November 2nd - Credited Georgio with the 2nd against Well when it was actually Delboy O'Neil.
August 20th - Report on the cup-tie v Celtic had Roddy sent off for punching a Farquhar cross into the net. Actually it was Weir but they do look alike (not !!!)
July 19th - The report from the Shamrock Rovers game lists "Britton" as playing for Saints - the guys actually Griffin and hes a lot better than any Scumdee long-haired reject.

Falsehood League Standings

Sunday Mail (see Waily Retard)

Old Firm are Scottish Football so the rest don't matter - as you might guess. Columnist Hugh Keevins has his own section here. Their WWW site is here

May 3rd- Early editions of the paper had us listed above Killie in 4th place - Wrong !!!
March 15th- Saints defender "Quillan" apparently gave away the penalty to Hibs.
January 5th- Apparently Hearts are on a long break in the Algarve in preparation for a trip to McDiarmid next Saturday - I only hope they're going for lunch since the game isnt until the Monday. Still the game's on Sky which isnt a Retard influenced medium.
December 28th- According to the report on the Celtic game "Saints owe Man City for agreeing to extend his loan to the end of the season". Wrong Mr. Mark Guidi - Man City freed Kernaghan and we signed him - hes now a true Saintee. Arseholes.
November 30th- Apparently Saints turned down a formal bid from the Dons for Callum Davison earlier in the season. There was me thinking it was just idle speculation.
November 23rd- Another one for the Starcheck awards as Alan Main who had been leading until now suddenly vanishes from the list. Who mentioned conspiracy theory ?
September 28th - Alan Main transferred to Dundee Utd and Woods in goal for Saints - yup another normal day in the Sunday Mail Starcheck awards. Thanks to Gary Panton for pointing it out.
Falsehood League Standings

The P.A..

Again, don't expect too much here - Gordon Bannerman usually knows what he's talking about.

April 14th - "Alan Weir" ??????
January 16th - Report on Phizzys performances mentioned his only goal so far this season was against Hibs at Easter Rd. - nope it was the Hibs match at McDiarmid.
Falsehood League Standings

Daily Mail / Soccernet.

With Saints in the Premier some coverage is guaranteed - see here for details.

December 7th - "teenager" Keith O'Halloran ??????
August 26th - Apparently we only have 2 senior strikers on our books after Fergies departure. So Georgio, Roddy, Charlie King, Keyring, Fabrice and Gavin Price makes only 2 strikers ??? I think not.
August 17th - Some more awards of the Keevins variety purely for the piece of waffling bullshit masquerading as a match report on the Motherwell game.
July 21st - Off to a great start with the initial addition of the Saints info to the Soccernet site - The strip used in the icon is incorrect, theres a picture of Killie v Celtic for some reason and best of all are the names - Gary Farguhar, Charlie Kind, Leight Jenkinson, Robby Grant and Euan Donaldson is still listed in the team - but Im being generous so I'll call it a round 3 points. Thanks to Steve Taylor for pointing it out.

Falsehood League Standings

Radio Scotland

Excluding Chic the Pric (see here) but including On/Off The Ball.

January 31st - West-coast man Alastair Alexander got carried away in his commentary of the win over TFOD - how else could he explain a mistake like "Andy Kernaghan" ???
January 3rd - Pundit and ex-Dons boss Willie Miller showing how up-to-date he is by praising Georgios performance at East End Park today - pity O'Boyle wasn't playing.
November 1st - An error for the usually pretty good Richard Gordon as he kept on mentioning Alan Mains penalty save in the Motherwell match as being his 3rd of the season - actually its 4 from the 7 so far.
October 25th - A classic from Charlie Nicholas who said at Parkhead that there "was very little difference between the teams but Celtic were easily the better team" - obviously unbiased Wegie logic at work there.
August 2nd - With the BBC Radio Scotland boys at McD it was nice to see them show off their knowledge of Saints with Gordon (arse) Smith commenting on how Saints fans were worried about their team after the bad second-half to last season. I mean what planet is this guy on ??

Falsehood League Standings

Scotland On-Line

"Official" WWW site of the Scottish Footbal League. Good for commentaries but some interesting things to say about Saints. Located here.

February 7th - "St. Johnstone winger Ally Mitchell" - even we're not that desperate.
December 13th - Apparently Kilmarnocks Wright was booked - strange I though it was Tommy Wright of Saints?
December 5th - New Saints signing target is Barry "Laverty". Hmmm now they misspell West Coast players ?
October 19th - Appointed a new manager for Saints with the strangely named John Sturrock !!
August 5th -Some comments on Attila :: "Not exactly a chant friendly player, Attila came to Scotland tagged an ex- Austrian international (he did apparently keep the bench warm on more than one occasion). Currently involved in a pay dispute with Saints, it is doubtful whether 'slab teeth', as he is known affectionately by his colleagues, will play for the Perth club again. Rather predictably now, after every match, Attila performs a solo Mexican wave, exerting the kind of energy that would be useful for the team during the game, not after" - well hes doing not bad for the guy who scored last Saturday.
August 4th - Wrong strip shown for some of the player pix (ie no photo just last seasons strip). Which is strange given that they have photos of some players wearing the new pin-stripe look.

Falsehood League Standings

Scot FM

This could be a difficult one - do they actually have any listeners ?
Falsehood League Standings

Glasgow Herald / Evening Times

April 6th - Picture of Alan Kernaghan v Dons captioned as Il Biscotti. That's almost heresy !!!
Falsehood League Standings

Scotsport + Teletext

Including Extra Whine - again unlikely to feature much as Perth isn't in Glasgow.

May 8th - Extra time has both Jim White and Charlie "Gary Glitter" Nicholas saying we need a win to get into Europe. Wrong - if Hibs beat Killie we only need a draw.
February 28th - Accurate reporting on teletext as they describe Roddys equalising header v United as a "deflected 25-yard shot". Hmmm.
January 9th - Excellent one from David Tanner on Extra Whine as they did a piece on Saints youngsters. Apparently they could speak to everyone except for Callum Davison who had been gagged by the club. No doubt that will explain why theres an interview with him 3 hours later on Friday Sportscene.
January 4th - Two good ones today from Jim Delahunt - firstly describing the Aberdeen v Utd game yesterday as the only local derby (its not local and if it is then Pars v Saints is also local), and secondly mentioning Hearts v Saints "this Saturday" - sorry its Monday. The man could get a job on the Retard.
December 28th - Not a true falsehood but excluding the bookings from the "extended highlights" of Saints beating Celtic was a bit amiss especially since at least one (ie Stubbs) could have been interpreted as a red card.
December 14th - Saints v Killie highlights. "And the ball is passed through to Kane whos effort comes close" despite the TV pictures showing Kane passing the ball on to Del O'Neill who took the shot. Arseholes.
October 19th - Usual accuracy with the highlights of the Killie game describing John O'Neill as Roddy

Falsehood League Standings

Sportscene + Ceefax

Including the Friday Old Firm preview. See Scotsport for likely coverage.

February 14th- Ceefax report on the Stirling cup-tie said that Keith O'Halloran deflected the ball into his own net for Saints third !?!?!?!?!!??!
November 15th- Gordon Smith seems convinced that the Saints right-back was called McQuilken - not getting a bit obssessed with Wegieland at all then.
September 20th -The one-page report on the Rangers defeat said that the game was played at McDamird Park (?) and that the Huns scored their second in the 38th minute - nope it was the 46th. You could tell cos they had a half-time interval between goals.
August 16th -Teletext reported that John O'Neill had been red-carded at the Motherwell game - he wasn't even playing !!

Falsehood League Standings

Gerry McNee

STV Sports Editor, ex-Sunday Mail Columnist and the nearest we've got to a Scottish Jimmy Hill. Now writing for the News Of The World !!!!

December 28th- Classic quote in the Celtic commentary "Sturrock knows that matches, particularly against the OF go right to the wire" - excuse me but aren't all games played till the end? What an arse.
November 30th- Celtic apparently had an easy path to todays Coca-Cola Cup Final and were never in any danger of getting beaten en route. So a spawny Dallas-assisted extra-time dodgy penalty win over a far superior Saints side doesn't count then?

Falsehood League Standings

Sky TV + SkyText

Satellite TV and Teletext for the masses - known to come to McDiarmid when a defeat is in the air.

April 25th- "Tommy McLean has virtually a full squad to pick from although recent signing Gary Bollan has been ruled out for the season. St. Johnstone have problems however..." - nothing like being up-to-date eh?
January 12th- Congratulations to Sky for breaking the record of the most errors during the commentary and analysis at the live Hearts match. Heres the full list ::
1. 2m 30s - Martin Tyler says its a corner to Hearts, as Saints Allan Preston takes the kick.
2. 7m 25s - Craig 'Pa' Broon says Il Biscotti signed for Saints from Hearts - nope he came via the Pars.
3. 17m 30s - Mistakes Kernaghan for Weir - I mean they really look alike in a Motson sort of way.
4. and 5. 32m 02s / 48m 04s - Brown twice calls Naysmith Davison.
6. Post match - Craig "Superman" Levein says Jambos winning goal was scored by Jim Weir !?!?!?!?!?!!
November 4th- Coverage of the Premier League showing Saints in 4th led to Davie "Hullo Archie" Provan stating that it was Saints highest ever placing. So being top of the league in August doesn't count then ???
August 20th -Two classics from the coverage of the Celtic cup-tie. Firstly in the studio before the game Charlie Nicholas said that Danny Griffin had been 'struggling' and hasn't made it even though everyone else on the planet knows that Danny was away on international duty. Secondly (and perhaps not a true falsehood but after the game I dont care), Craig (No Saints in Scotland) Broon commented on Shuggy Dallas as being the "best" ref in Scotland. Still what can you expect from a man who still picks Tosh McKinlay.

Falsehood League Standings

Chic Young

Ibrox's most famous St. Mirren fan and living proof that you need fuck-all knowledge to be a journo.
Falsehood League Standings

Scotsman / Scotland On Sunday / The Pink

Edinburgh daily that will be lucky to mention Saints outside of the Old Firm meetings this season. The Pink is the Embra equivalent of the Sporting Post except it licks the bottoms of the Hibs and Hearts and includes a lot more Rugger Bugger stories. Their WWW site is here

May 5th- Apparently Andy Whiteford might get hist first game for the club next Saturday - and there was me thinking he'd played several times for the first team in the last couple of seasons.
January 17th- Andy Kernaghan missed a chance against Hibs in the first half - strange I thought Alan Kernaghan played for us. Also despite only winning 1-0, the Pink credits us with goals by Regal Roddy in the 83rd and 84th minute in the same report.
December 13th-Apparently Paul Wright was booked for diving - actually it was Tommy Wright (you could tell cos Paul Wright had the white Killie strip on).
December 6th- The Pink seems to think we have a midfielder called Gasovic - maybe they're just getting their blue and white teams confused.
November 2nd- Either Steve Tosh has changed his name or else Saints signed Scumdee reject Paul Tosh.....or is it possibly just a piece of media ignorance ?
Falsehood League Standings

Hugh Keevins

Saintees everywhere's favourite ex-Scotsman journalist. Amazing tunnel vision since based in Embra he seems incapable of dealing with anything other than the Wegie Unwashed. New for this year since hes bound to cover some Saints games. Now writing for the Sunday Mason as the replacement for McNee (some honour eh).

January 25th- Classic quote in the Hunday Mason rant with our Shuggie trying to start a campaign to scrap the European championships. Apparently "Durie and Boyd had little enough time to recover from Euro 96 before the start of this season". Hmmm I thought this season started in summer 97 that 12 months after Euro 96.
Falsehood League Standings

Daily Telegraph - Electronic or otherwise

Falsehood League Standings

Times / Sunday Times

July 28th - Selecting the most obvious players for the fantasy football, the Times picks Stuart McCluskey - not the most frequent of players.

Falsehood League Standings

Match magazine

July 28th - A picture of a free gift which includes all the English and Scottish teams shows Saints old badge which hasn't been used for years!

Falsehood League Standings

Daily Star

Not a regular read and probably qualifies for a discount given that its Manchester based but what the hell. Their WWW site is here

April 16th - "Hush-hush" scouting trips to Holland for El Luggino which most other papers reported months ago.
December 8th - More player mix-ups as the cross for Roddys goal at Pittodrie is credited to McQuillan instead of O'Halloran.
October 20th - Apparently the goal against Killie came after Roddy had a header saved - nope it was O'Neil.

Falsehood League Standings

Sporting Life

As found at http://www.sporting-life.com/soccer/scotspremteams/stjohnstone.html - normally a fairly accurate site.

Februrary 21st - Saints new keeper was apparently Stephen Roberts - not Robertson.
Falsehood League Standings

Daily Mirror

Not a regular read. Don't expect too much coverage of Saints either.

Februrary 3rd - Saints had a new line-up for the TFOD match. The same West Ham side that played Everton.
Falsehood League Standings

Other Media Stuff

Falsehood League Standings

Saints Index Grange Index

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