Temple Of Saints - Give us Some Fight

Scottish Premier League - 02/01/2002

Saints Sod All Hearts 2 League Table Here

Team: Miller, Murray, Flash, Dasovic, Dods, McCluskey, Tommy, JR, Peaso, Paddy, Kane
Subs Cuthbert, Russell, Rachid, Pope, Falconer

Right that's it - definite conspiracy of X-Files proportion now. How else can anyone explain how the same 11 players that put on such a good performance at Fir Park only 7 days ago can be replaced by a bunch of shambling, incoherent zombie morons as we saw at McD today. And for further evidence of weird happenings we even made Fulton the Gargoyle look good. I mean Stevie Fucking Fulton?

Four changes from the Ibrox side with Flash returning from suspension and Miller deemed fit to play, whilst Paddy and Kane came into the side with Rachid (yup drop one of the best players from the weekend) and Falconer put on the bench and Fotheringham sent off to the wilderness that is the Fringe of the Squad.

With the pitch almost frozen (unlike the defence which was) the game got off to a slow start in front of a fairly decent crowd (last time we'll see that for a while). As early as the 3rd minute though Stark's Theory of Suicidal Footballing Skills came home to roost with Kane giving the ball away to Fuller (the only Jambo with any skill) and it took a Dods foul to prevent him breaking through on goal.

As it was the game was very tight but from Part 2 of Stark's Theory of Suicidal Footballing Skills we had the strategy of the long ball. Yup with only the lumbering giants of Pressley (whose hand seemed to be constantly raised to either claim offside or else let the armpit nits get some fresh air), Webster and McKenna to deal with we had Paddy "One Day I'll Head the Ball" Connolly and Peter "I'd have got the foul at Rangers" MacDonald (with the latter rapidly earning a new nickname of Chicken given the amount of tackles he shirked).

Still we managed a half-chance. No not even that. In the 10th minute, Paddy showed some good control in the box from a Tommy shy (about the only one we managed to keep possession from) before slipping the ball to Peaso who hesitated too long and lost possession. Not that he was the only one guilty of such misdemeanours with Paddy and Kano just as bad.

Of course when the shit is pouring down you can be sure that the ref will join in the crap and so it was that when the Gargoyle pulled a funny face at JR after quarter of an hour and caused him to collapse in paralysed fear, Wullie Young gave the free kick the other way. Luckily the shot was easily dealt with and Tommy broke up the middle only for his long pass to Peaso to be ruled offside as Pressley's Amazing Dancing Armpit Lice fooled the assistant referee once more.

Saints began to get a little fired up. Don't get your hopes up - not when their definition of being angry is stamping their feet, throwing a tantrum and trying to avoid the ball whenever possible. Still out of it all we had a miracle of Paddy breaking and sending the ball to Peaso only for him to run too wide, get fouled, lose the ball and sit on the ground in a huff. With 20 minutes gone we almost had a decent shot as well. Grant Murray and Peaso combined well with the latter sending in a good cross from the right. Paddy got it at the far post (the 6yd box was a bit much to hope for) and sent it back into Tommy who squared to JR whose shot was blocked. A minute later Kano sent a good ball FORWARDS (!!!!!) to Peaso only for Pressley's Nit Show to take over again.

The game was pretty scrappy though with poor passing from both sides and Saints looking about as threatening as, well as a Saints attack really (God this is depressing to write). The Jambos were getting back into the game and starting to pile on the pressure with Fuller their main danger. The half-hour saw first of all McCluskey pull off a good last-ditch block on a Fuller run after Dods had been left for dead then a minute later Wales (totally unmarked) brought out a great save from Miller to keep the scores level.

It didn't last long. After the Gargoyle frightened Nick and won us a free kick which saw JR's predictable 25-yard shot blocked the 39th minute saw a Jambo break down the left - Fuller had all the time to take the ball into the box, dragging Dods and McCluskey with him before sending it across the goal past Miller to a still unmarked Wales who drove home to make it 1-0.

Great we all thought - at least now Saints will waken up, get a bit angry and fight a bit more. Aye bollocks. A Nick Dasovic header over the bar from a Tommy cross was all we got. Even Stark looked like a zombie.

Second-half started just as badly - Maybury went on a run skinning Tommy, nutmegging Flash only for his cross to be totally missed with the Saints defence all over the shop. Pretty this was not and the panicky defence really came into it's own 5 minutes later when after Kane DUCKED OUT of heading a goal kick on, Hearts broke up the park and the move only ended when Tommy got the ball, facing goal on the edge of the box and chipped the ball over his own bar. To be frank if it had gone in it wouldn't have been much of a surprise.

We should have been 2 down 3 minutes later when Fuller had all the time in the world to break into the box only for his shot to come back off the underside of the bar. Stark had had enough so on came Rachid for Dasovic (who to be fair had been about our best player so far). How the feck Kane stayed on the park beats me. Still Rachid went up front and Paddy dropped back to midfield.

Saints did manage the odd attack with Tommy trying to put some good balls in to the middle of the park. Most were dealt with comfortably by the Jambos defence but even when they landed at a Saints player, say for example Paddy, the striking instinct as described in Stark's Theory of Suicidal Footballing Skills took over and he passed the bloody thing!! It got worse though. First of all the Gargoyle went for a dribble (i.e. with the ball as opposed to any bodily function) in the box. I'll say that again - in the Saints box Stevie Fulton got to run with the ball without even a hint of a challenge. That's how bad it got.

Hearts had a free-kick on the edge of the box as well. It was blocked but with Stark's Theory of Suicidal Footballing Skills in control you could always be sure we had 11 men in the bloody box anyway so there was little hope of a break up the park. In the end it was all over in the 71st minute when we attempted to claim for offside when the ball was played to Fuller from a throw-in. Of course he keeps on playing, goes into the box and from a nice wee narrow angle shoots into the net whilst the Saints defence casually saunter back as though they didn't have a bloody care in the world.

So as the "massed hordes" (i.e. more than have been at recent games) of home fans did an OF and headed for the exits we settled down to enjoy a Saints token comeback (as we always do so Stark can say we narrowly lost). Except this time we didn't even bother with that. Sure we managed a corner and Falconer and Pope came on for Chicken and Kane with Pope at least looking like someone trying to prove a point but when you realise it wasn't until the 83rd minute that we managed a shot on target and even that was a pathetically soft half-hearted effort from Free Wullie. A minute before time we almost got a consolation when a quick free kick was well worked by Paddy and Rachid in a 1-2 with Connolly taking the ball in the box and bearing down on goal. So of course it was saved. We had a series of corners but the best effort was a Rachid sclaff which the Jambos keeper tipped over the bar.

MoM for me doesn't even exist (unless it stands for Moron of the Match in which case about every candidate in a blue shirt is more than qualified to win). There was not just a lack of belief today but no fight or passion in the side - given what's at stake it's possibly about our worst performance of the season especially with all the PR crap that Stark's been spouting about decent performances of late. The plain truth is we're not putting the ball into the net and a lack of finishing is costing us goals, points and probably our league position. It's about time the so-called professionals began to pull their act together and play like a team. And if they won't then kick them out - I'd rather see 11 18-yr olds out there playing their hearts out than the dross we had to witness today. At least then there might be some passion on display.

Right rant over....hopefully normal optimistic service might be resumed for the cup tie.

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