Temple Of Saints - Bollocks

Scottish Premier League - 31/01/99

Sellik 5 Saints 0 League Table Here

Team :: Main,McQuillan,Bollan,Dods,Kernaghan,O'Halloran,O'Neil,McMahon,Kane,Scott,Miguel
Subs :: Keyring,Legend,Danny,Paddy,Robertson

We should know better by now - Sutherland's First Law of TV Coverage (the one about the OF + SKY = Gubbing) came true again tonight. Christ, not even a dodgy sending-off to blame this time as TFOE went 3 up by half-time and even BrattCrap got a hat-trick.

St. Sandy went for the School of Sturrock approach with a 4-5-1 formation which saw Father Dougal returned from suspension to replace Danny and Scott in the midfield with Eusebio left as the sole striker up front - you know, wee Miguel the guy who is obviously favourite to reach any sort of long ball played 10 feet above his head. So with Saints looking for a scrappy 1-0 win at best the game got underway with the away support granted the wonderful crap view at pitch level.

The first 2 minutes looked almost hopeful when Miguel and Del combined well in the box. But then it went a wee bitty pear-shaped. Gary 'Snail' Bollan was caught out several times at left-back and in 10 minutes a cross from the right found Brattprik and Henprick in the middle - totally unmarked and Brattprik had all the time in the world to put the ball into the net. The second was even worse when Lubo the TFOE Bread Queuer was given ages on the edge of the box before shooting past Main - ask any Saints fan in the crowd and they could have guessed what he was going to do. But a Saints defender? - naw they'll just stand-off in the hope that it goes wide.

After that we came slightly back into it and Miguel hit the bar after a good move on the right. We forced a series of corners but with Gerry the 2nd-class Jenko at work nothing was going to come of them. Then came no. 3 - same story as for the first except this time the ball was saved twice, cleared off the line twice and hit the bar before a diving Henprick header beat Main. Suffice to say that Main had umpteen chances to catch the ball in the stramash leading up to the goal and blew them all.

Second-half saw Saints struggle to do anything (don't worry I'm coming to the individual reviews later). St. Sandy showed no inclination to push forward and seemed willing to settle for a damage limitation exercise at 3-0. Of course that wasn't to be and with 15 minutes left Brattprik and Henprik combined a couple of times with the former getting his hat trick and Saints going down 5-0. So on comes Paddy for Gerry and makes absolutely no fucking difference. I'm afraid to say that the 5th goal did it and I left to go pay the Parkhead Mafia their heroin money in return for a car still in one piece. The radio mentioned a good Saints chance towards the end but as usual it missed.

OK now for the ranting part. WE BADLY NEED A STRIKER. NOW. This has been obvious to anyone connected with the club (except for Paddy Lightweight who is under the misapprehension that he is one). Sandy Clarks tactics tonight were crap - we should have at least gone for 4-4-2 - far too often a Saints break collapsed because there was no blue shirt in support. Defensively we were crap. Main needs a kick up the arse now. Bollan should be dropped for Preston and likewise Grandfather Dougal (at least he played as fast as one tonight) should never have gotten back into the team ahead of Danny. Dods and McQ had average games tonight but we know they can do better.

Midfield wasn't the disaster it could have been. O'Halloran is obviously playing for the jersey and Scott actually had not a bad game. But both players need an experienced midfielder to hold the ball up and play it to them. Dasovic might do but he isn't fit. Kane is not the answer - too often now it looks as though he is far too lazy and unwilling to chase balls etc. Far too often tonight he got the ball, screwed up the pass and did sod all about it. Del had an off-game but at least he was still willing to push forward till the end (and make Scotland prospect Phil Whingeing Shite O'Donnell look like the wee bairn he is). McMahon however should be transfer-listed now. Christ even a bad Stevie Tosh was better than this shite.

The only player who can come out of tonight's performance with any praise is Miguel - he tackled, harried, chased and ran his arse off all night doing the work of an entire forward line and part of the midfield. Easily MoM for me.

God knows what we do about things ahead of next weeks grudge match with Judas - especially with Dropsy Main in goal. If I was St. Sandy I'd drop the lazy shites that played tonight and start getting the kids into the team. Let's see Danny and Keyring on from the start.

Time for some beer.

Remember to vote on todays ref John Rowbotham (Kirkcaldy) - send marks out of 10 to refvote@grange.demon.co.uk

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