Temple Of Saints - Muddy Brilliant

Scottish Premier League - 20/02/99

Jambo Mud Divers 0 Sexy Saintees 2 League Table Here

Team :: Jesus,McQ,Blaster,Forrest Gump,Father Dougal,Dassa,Del,Phizzy, Kano,Legend,Kid Goals
Subs :: Daniel,Pope,Eusebio,Chief,Dolph

Well when we can ride our luck like we did today and still come away with the 3 points from the Gorgie mudbath then there is hope of a Euro slot. Mind you it's not as though the Gorgie Gits are providing much of an opposition to any team these days.

St. Sandy stuck by the Livvy Lickers of last week with the only changes appearing on the subs bench. Out went Gerry the Karaoke King with a broken hand and in came Pope, Chief and Dolph to join Eusebio the Wing Wizard and Daniel (to give him his Livvy name).

Even before kick-off it looked like the game might become a bit of a lottery with a strong wind blowing up the park mixed with rain. And as for the pitch? Well even your worst nightmares wouldn't have prepared you for the patchwork effort that the '3rd biggest club in Scotland' have as a playing surface. The centre of the pitch is obviously the freshly laid turf but on the wings the money must have run out as all that was left was a muddy soft surface with as much grass as it's owners have money in the bank. Absolutely pathetic.

Straight from the kick-off the conditions had an effect - Saints were finding it difficult to push forward with the ball on the wing as the ball refused to move on the mud and the Capital Relegation Fodder packed the midfield to prevent any real build-ups. In defence as well we looked dodgy with Forrest Gump and Father Dougal showing hardly any understanding and Blaster caught for pace several times.

Of course the CRF had plenty of other tactics they could use including the inevitable Sack-of-Spuds-Strategy whereby Hamilton went down like one any time a blue shirt was within 10 feet. Christ once it was even genuine when Forrest shoved him just outside the box. But with the current form of the CRF a free kick blasted to the feet of the Saints wall was easily dealt with by Phizzy (he was full of surprises today). Still the Bonkle Bogey known as Dallas wised up quick enough and Hamilton was lucky to escape a booking later in the game (made me kind of glad the Coagy shite turned us down).

The CRF had several chances in the first half with a couple of shots going just wide after poor reactions from the Saints defence saw the Gorgie Gits exploit the gaps. Jesus made an excellent save as well on the half-hour mark to keep the scores level. At the other end Saints saw their chances limited (mainly due to the strong winds and poor surface ruining the cross balls ) with a Dasovic shot over the bar and a soft volley from Phizzy going wide after some good build-up work by Kid Goals, Del and Legend.

Second-half started much the same way but with Saints playing with the wind behind them and Del on the slightly-less-crap wing surface the away attacks looked more dangerous. A couple of shots wide were all that we had to show for it until 59 minutes. A good break saw Phizzy get the ball on the left wing - he cut back and whilst we were all waiting on the square ball, let loose a 20-yard rocket into the postage stamp corner.

Three minutes later and the '3rd biggest support in Scotland' were leaving their seats Ibrox-style when Saints went two up. A ball to Phizzy on the wing saw the midfielder play the ball into Del in the 6 yars box at the post. He held it up brilliantly before sending it across the goalmouth. Kid Goals missed it but Legend tapped to the feet of Kano who drilled a low shot home from 12 yards.

After that the CRF put on some subs in a desperate attempt to pull something back. But Jesus was on form and even when they got the chances, players like Gary 'Potential' Locke sent the ball into the stand. St. Sandy put on Eusebio for Kid Goals towards the end as Saints went in search of a third. They had chances but the score remained the same.

Overall it was a cracking win on a shite surface. The boys seemed to struggle at first but at the end we were cruising. MoM for me was Phizzy for a cracking goal, with Del a close second. Mentions to for Kid Goals who ran his arse off and Jesus who didn't make a mistake all day. Two bookings for Saints - Bollan for something nobody could understand and Father Dougal for getting within the 10 feet Zone of Diving for a Jambo.

As for CRF - well sixteen quid to get in and watch two teams struggle to provide entertainment on that sort of surface is diabolical - still maybe it's what their dedicated support deserves.

Remember to vote on todays ref Hugh Dallas (Bonkle) send marks out of 10 to refvote@grange.demon.co.uk

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