Temple Of Saints - Shit

Scottish Premier League - 23/04/2000

Saints 0 Bigots 2 League Table Here

Team : Robbo,Danny,Blaster,Weir,Dods,Kane,Chief,Del,Lazarus, Parker,Keyring
Subs : Gow,Gerry,Millar,Pope,Frail

Oh well that spoilt the script of the week. I mean I know we like to cater for the masses in the media (oops there's that "mass" word again - must be careful not to offend anyone in case Wiggy comes after me), but this wasn't even an average Saints performance against a Bigoted Mob who barely had to try to beat us.

Sandy brought Blaster back into the left-back slot after his suspension with Keyring moving to left wing and Kiegan Parker getting a well-deserved starting spot in partnership with Lazarus. And of course there was the much heralded debut of SuperSaint who took to the part wearing an inane grin, waving his hands everywhere and kicking the ball weakly - who said Miguel was in Japan?

As for the game it followed the usual Saints first half pattern of odd moments of skill and a lot of huffing and puffing to very little effect. The sodden surface didn't help matters and when there's a ref like Mike "ByrawayImaWegie" McCurry about it wasn't really a surprise when Danny picked up the first booking of the game for trying not to cheat. We must have been causing them some problems cos with only 15 minutes gone the Greasy haired Craporuso scythed down Keyring to earn his first booking (and unfortunately for any proponents of fair play his only one).

Still it got Wiggy worked up as he remonstrated with McCurry and tried to yell his apologies to Keyring from the touchline - such a sporting chap and the hair looks more realistic every time. Saints came back into the game but apart from a Chief effort going over the bar, Kiegan coming close and Paddy having a shot well saved (although McCurry decided it was too close for comfort and awarded a free-kick instead) nothing happened.

At the other end despite the best efforts of Danny, Weir, Dods, Blaster and Kane all TFOD could muster were a couple of headers over the bar. Keyring managed to get Saints a free-kick on the edge of the box on the half hour mark - a decision of the referees which did not impress old Greasy Git Craporuso who proceeded to blast the ball against a hoarding in disgust. Now according to the rules kicking the ball away is a bookable offence - not that McCurry bothered. As for the free-kick well it was a Danny full-strength cross so you can guess how far wide it went.

With the half drawing to a close Saints blew it. Billy Dodds got to the byeline and somehow shot past Robbo from a narrow angle and about 1 yard out - defence was posted missing as usual. This led to what we all expected with the undercover Huns in the West Stand cheering and shouting and Taysides finest doing fuck all about it.

Half time saw more trouble with some fans ejected from the West Stand and aggro in the East Stand as one of the stewards removed a banner covering a hoarding - strange how long it took for any help to get to the guy when even from our side of the park we could see fists flying. Fucking Animals.

Second half saw Vanessa Feltz come on for Wallace (someone said it was a Chilean footballer but have you ever seen them in the same room at the same time?). But with the game effectively over as Saints failed to break out of midfield there was little happening. Spuman fouled Parker on the hour mark and earned a yellow card for his petulance as the game heated up. Not that the Saints attacks came to anything and 5 minutes later we were 2 down. Claudia Renault was given loads of room to run up the park and pass to Vanessa at the byeline who skinned Forrest Gump and squared for Jug-Eared Billy to tap home. Cue for more undercover Huns to appear and some polis action.

In fact the best one of the lot was the thicko bigot in the West Stand who when the TFOD fans started singing "Stand up for the Champions" decided to get off his arse. Proof that the Govan Genetic Make-up is lacking in the brain cell dept.

Five minutes later and the game blew up in McCurry's face. A 50-50 challenge between Van Bratwurst and Keyring left the Euro player on the deck and Craporuso and Spuman raising hands at the Saints player. Cue for a Well-style brawl with Danny and Blaster wading in with Chief and Barry the Ned and Wilson the youth policy reject doing similar for the Huns. End result was a yellow for Keyring and Ferguson and another talking to for Spuman and Craporuso both of whom should have seen yellow cards which would have been two reds so obviously McCurry chickened it.

After that the game died out pretty quickly. Chief picked up a yellow as did Claudia Renault for a wicked challenge on Keyring. The latter was replaced by Gerry who managed a booking himself within a minute. Kiegan Parker came off towards the end to be replaced by Marco the V.

Given the way TFOD have played recently it was asking a lot for us to win the game tonight. But there were a lot of poor performances out there as well. Blaster looked badly short of match fitness, Danny made some basic errors, Del was as inconsistent as ever and Kane just too slow in the middle of the park. As for Paddy well he has to start getting the ball in the net or at least creating some chances soon or I feel he'll be for the off in the summer.

On the plus side Keyring had a good game on the left wing - not his best performance but he was at least willing to get stuck into the opposition and fight for the ball. He just gets my MoM award ahead of Parker who suffered from being a bit too lightweight to beat Craporuso but didn't look overawed by the opposition and chased everything all night. A close season to build him up a bit and we've got a cracking striker - a partnership with him and Nathan would torment any defence.

I left at the final whistle but it was nice to hear on the radio how the BBC pundits thought it was a big joke how some of TFOD scum got onto the pitch to celebrate with the players. I wonder why they didn't think it was such a fun time last season when the OF decided to go to war - or is it only OK when it's a wee team involved. Bastards.

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